Agle janam mohe bitiya na keejo...........

Even as India enters the 21st century proudly proclaiming development in all arenas, I am forced to pen down something like this

Isn't a would be mother supposed to be happy and pampered and free from all worries, least of all the "tension" of what treatment is in store for her if she delivers a baby girl

Why then did I have a friend losing her sleep over this? Her mother-in-law says "hamein to ladka hi chahiye" - we want a baby boy, and when she was told that her son wants a daughter - she reacted saying - "how does it matter what he wants" - for god sake dear aunty he is the would-be-dad!!! For how many generations are you going to dictate the gender !!!

how can u bloody look at the first ultrasound of the kid and say pata nahi kya hai - ladka ya ladki

how can u be immune to the magic of the tiny hands tiny feet, sweet life that u see on the ultrasound film

and its not some remote village i am talking off.......

Ask those unfortunate people who are would give a lot to just experience the joy of motherhood...

when i see women going thru this nonsense in our society - that is when u dont want to have a girl child - coz u dont want to see her suffering in the same manner that u did....and that is why a woman's hearts screams out to god ke "jo ab kiye ho daataa aisaa naa ki jo - agle janam mohe bitiyaa naa ki jo....."

To Papa

Papa....why did u have to go away when mom and me needed u the most........u wudnt have stood by and watched even if i asked u too.....i wish i cud just run into ur arms and dump all my fears and insecurities into the warmth of ur hug.....i feel so lonely, so alone.........

Are u upset with me, of how i have let circumstances get the better of me, people get the better of me......upset with me coz I didnt come out to see u when they brought u from the hospital......upset coz instead of being by ur side and having the courage to hold ur hand, I ran away from the hospital terrified that the next announcement on the microphone cud be calling the attendant for bed number 13.......u knew i had no-one to fall back on..........

i miss ur hugs, i miss the kushti..............feeling totally lost and deserted.......

will i ever have the strength to rise above my insecurities, and put my foot down for what is right.......? Main kya karoon papa.....

Lonely......

Festivals do have a way of rubbing in and emphasizing the loneliness, of highlighting what u are missing in life and trying to push to the remotest corner of ur mind

It is one thing to not have a soulmate, and quite another to be hanging somewhere between having and not having......

Is it too much to ask for....to have a hand to hold when u are feeling blue, a shoulder to cry on.....to be secure in knowing that u mean at least something to the one is supposed to be mean the world to you.......

Let go

Well, thanks to Prakriti, am reminded of something from long back, and let me for a change write share some positive lines
Lots of years ago, one of my friends was once in a big mess, and was really really down in the dumps.....There was nothing i cud do or say to help.....
We used to be colleagues back then, and she used to sit right next to me....

One day, while sifting through cards at archies, I came across one that had a beautiful message on it. It was something I felt like saying to her and for her to always be reminded of. Giving the card to her wouldn't take care of the second part, so I just bought it and pinned it at my desk :)

A couple of years passed and things thankfully got sorted out for her. But the card always remained at my desk (until some time back when i switched jobs)". This is what it had to say -

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around,
And tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried: "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do........ you never did let go"

So let go, when all else fails, place your trust in god and leave the rest to him

Losing faith

Losing faith in god......

Losing faith in self......

Losing faith in life.......