Contrasting moods

Today the weather outside is beautiful, or so they say
Perfect for romance :)

But one has to feel at peace to contemplate of any romance

I can closely relate to "seene mein jalan, aankhon mein toofan sa kyon hai...." today

Holi ???

So, its holi time again...
Time for colours, gulaal, sweets, and celebration.......

And for me, a time that pushes me back to memories best buried away.

Day before holi was when I last saw dad. I remember focusing on his breathing, feeling/ knowing somewhere within my heart that it would probably be the last time I saw him so....
Wish I could have been wrong.....the call came in when 2 hours later when I was back at home (I escaped from the hospital coz intuition told me if I stayed I would have to face something I could never be prepared for)

Holi was the day they brought him from the hospital.
Everyone kept telling me I should go outside and see him one last time....I didnt budge. Maybe I acted like a coward....the reason I gave them was I didnt want to remember him that way.....

And................Holi was one of his favourite festivals

Na jaane kyun

Somehow, I am reminded of this song today

Na jaane kyun, hota hai yoon zindagi ke saath
achanak ye mann, kisi ke jaane ke baad
kare fir uski yaad, chhoti chhoti si baat
na jaane kyun.......

Papa....

I'm missing papa today (not that I don't think of him almost everyday...)
but on some days I want nothing more than to simply keep my head in his lap and cry to my heart's content

Sometimes...

Sometimes life seems so meaningless........
Why is one existing? For what? Doing what?................

Cornered by circumstances on all side, and unable to gather the guts to put your foot down........